I am feeling down today. Everything feels wrong. I tried getting busy to keep away these dark thoughts from my mind. I cleaned the bathroom, I went down to the basement to do my two-week-old laundry, and threw away the trash. But it didn’t help. It made me even more tired. I tried to finish the book I’ve been reading for almost a month, but after reading a few sentences, I got bored and threw it away. Then, I logged in to Netflix and watched Marie Kondo. I thought maybe she could spark some joy on me, but I ended up being pissed with Marie Kondo. Don’t get me wrong, I love her. But today is not my day to like her.
My head feels so heavy that I thought I should get a haircut, but then I realized that my hair is already short, and I got a haircut two weeks ago because I was also depressed back then. Haircuts sometimes relieve me from depression. It somewhat lightens the heavy feeling in my head, but I don’t want to do it today because I don’t want to go bald. That would be embarrassing. So I put on my shoes and decided to take a walk. The cloudy weather dampened my mood even more. Still, I kept going with my earphones on as it blasted Smetana’s The Moldau. It was beautiful, and I thought what a genius Smetana was. His folks back in Prague must be very proud of him. Did he get depressed too? Then I looked up and watched the tangled branches of the trees swayed with the wind, and I felt sad. I passed by the gasoline station, and the guy who always pumped gas in my car waved at me. I waved back and sweetly smiled at him. It didn’t change my mood, though.
I know I shouldn’t be whining. There are people out there who are feeling worse than I am. But I couldn’t help it. I don’t know why I am ranting right now. I don’t usually do this. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not lonesome. There are days that I just feel sad, and today is that day. I don’t want people to talk to me or ask me why because I don’t know the answer and I don’t want them to tell me that everything will be alright. Don’t worry about me. Like Greta Garbo, I just want to be left alone to drown my sorrow.
I’m back home now, lying on my bed and trying to get some sleep. I know that when I wake up and go to work later, everything will be fine because, just like before, ‘this too shall pass’.